Anne Kosem Life Coach

Setting Boundaries

Setting Boundaries

By October 7th, 2019 Uncategorized Comments Off on Setting Boundaries

If there is one thing we all need, it’s boundaries! Most of us are pretty good at setting physical boundaries. It’s the personal/emotional boundaries where we tend to struggle.

Are there people in your life that overpower you? Do you want to of stand up for yourself, but feel paralyzed to do so in the moment? Would you like to say NO without experiencing all the guilt later?

If this sounds familiar, it’s time to set up some personal boundaries! Setting internal limits can build your self-esteem, reduce fear and anxiety and actually improve your relationships. It will also empower you to be more confident in your interactions with others.

Below are a few helpful tips to get you started, but please keep in mind that boundaries are very personal. They are all about the practice of honoring yourself.  My goal is to empower you to make yourself a priority so you can experience how nourishing even a small amount of self-care can be.

1)  Practice Active Listening. 

Clarify as often as possible in the moment. “So you have the venue for the event picked out, but you’re out looking for entertainment?” Summarize and repeat it back throughout the conversation where possible. This will reduce any assumptions and ensure that all parties are clear about what is being asked. I do this regularly now, it has been especially helpful with my husband. It can be tedious, but it ensures we are on the same page and cuts down on miscommunication as well.

2)  Never say Yes in the moment. Make this a habit. 

Give yourself time to consider what is being asked of you. Don’t let anyone rush you or guilt you into saying yes right away. You’ll only end up resenting them and be mad at yourself later!  Pick a phrase and practice using it all the time. The more you say it, the easier it will get. “I’d love to help. Would you mind if I got back to you tomorrow?” No one has ever told me they minded, but that doesn’t mean they won’t keep pressing.  Don’t give in. Practice holding firm. “I understand you are in a time crunch, I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”  You wouldn’t let someone physically push you. Don’t let someone emotionally push you around either.

3) Ask yourself a few questions.

Am I saying yes because I want to or out of obligation to someone else? 

What do I have to give up to make this commitment? 

4) Once you make up your mind, respond! 

Don’t put it off because you might lose your nerve. Make it short and to the point. You do not need to justify your decision. Doing so will only make you feel guilty.  You have the right to put your needs first. If you are more comfortable sending a text or email, that’s okay. If you only ever talk to this person in person or by phone, then call when you only have a few minutes to talk to avoid  justifying. 

We all have things we don’t want to do in life. For our family, for our boss, for our house… That’s why it’s so important for the yes that is in your control to be a yes for You!

Remember, personal boundaries start small. Consistency is the key. Little successes add up and will give you the confidence to establish those bigger boundaries down the road. Make it a practice and you will see results. My hope is that you begin to prioritize what you want and need in your life. Everyone deserves to love their life!