Build Your Self-Worth Through Love & Acceptance

Can You learn to love and accept yourself…
When you feel like a failure?
When your heart is broken and you feel unwanted?
When a shadow of doubt is covering all your strengths and abilities?

Yes, you can… Practicing radical love and acceptance is also a pathway to worthiness. Let’s start by gaining an understanding of what self-worth is and isn’t. 

Self-worth is a reflection of how worthy you believe you are of receiving such things as love, respect, and good fortune. This belief is held deep within yourself.  It is not related to your appearance, your bank account, or how many friends you have. It’s also not something you can earn, despite the fact that we live in a culture that encourages us to hustle for our worth.

To be fair, most of us didn’t grow up learning to value ourself for who we “are.” Nor did we learn how to love and accept ourselves in the face of failure. So it makes sense that we would seek external feedback and validation as a means of feeling better about ourselves. Unfortunately, that’s the reason why so many of us struggle with low self-worth. Our self-worth is a fragile, fair-weather friend and we need it to be a pillar of strength. After all, it’s part of our constitution, a grounding factor that keeps us centered in the face of adversity.

Since worthiness is built on solid foundation of love and acceptance, that’s what we will focus on cultivating today.

One way you can start growing your self-worth is by Practicing Acceptance. Learning to view yourself apart from your circumstances and to accept yourself without condition.

Step One

Observe the direction of your thoughts. Start recognizing when the shift into “personal attack mode” occurs.

This often happens when we are saddened or disappointed in the outcome of a situation. It can also happen when we inadvertently trigger a painful memory. You may be aware of a deep swell of emotion. Your thoughts turning dark; anger, resentment, perhaps blaming someone or something else for how you feel. When you shift to self-condemnation, then you’re in personal attack mode.
Here are a few examples of the switch:

You’re running late for a meeting at your child’s school. You’ start worrying about what people will think of you. You can’t believe how bad traffic is. Ugh! You are going blowing your first impression. Why do I always do this? Why can’t I ever be on time?  (You're in personal attack mode now) What is wrong with me?

You lose the bid on a big job. Immediately, you try and figure out what went wrong. What did the competition offer that I couldn't. I really needed that deal to make your numbers. You start comparing yourself to other people in your company who are more successful and younger than you. You’re slipping in personal attack mode. 

There is no such thing as a big or a small moment when it comes to personal attacks. Any time we start an inner dialogue of self-condemnation, we tear holes in the fabric of our self-worth with our shame.

Step Two

Stop. Think about what you’ve been saying to yourself.
Focus on the thoughts that hurt the most. They must be deeply Personal & Specific.

You have to tap into your personal pain in order for this to work. No Generalizations. For Example: My life is falling apart.
It Must be Specific:
I haven’t been on a date in a year. Nobody is ever going to marry me! 
I got the lowest grade on the math test Again. I suck at math!

Step Three

Turn the the personal attack into an act of Self-Acceptance.

Use a Turn Around Statement*

• Even though <Insert Painful Thoughts> …I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
• Even though I haven’t been on a date in a year and I might never get married… I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
• Even though I got the lowest grade in the class again and I’m am not good at math… I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
• Even though I lost the deal and feel like a complete failure… I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.

You MUST say it at least 3 times.  Repeat it to yourself, out loud if possible,
until the meaning of your words make a “feeling impression” on you!

Some of your pain will ease as you experience your inner-being receiving this nourishment. Unfortunately, it will not miraculously heal your emotional wounds. Your disappointment will still be there, BUT more importantly, so will be a greater capacity for self-acceptance, more awareness of the inner “you” and a growing emotional resilience to the external world!

• Every time you say no to how you “should be” and yes to who you are –
  You build self-worth
• Every time you choose to love yourself for who you are rather than what you do –
  You grow your capacity for self-love 
• Every time you turn in-to instead of away-from yourself to deal with your pain –
  You show yourself that self-love is the most powerful form of healing.
  

I hope you embrace this concept and start to practice self-love and acceptance… it’s the pathway to worthiness!

*This concept was borrowed in part from the Emotional FreedomTechnique (EFT) by Gary Craig.