Falling Down the “Habit Hole”

Chapter 1

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I still don’t see it. I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place. It isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there, I still fall in.
It’s habit. It’s my fault. I know where I am. I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down a different street.

I heard this poem at *church this past weekend and it really resonated with me. In fact, it’s been churning in me ever since. A habit is an acquired thought or behavior pattern you follow so frequently it becomes almost involuntary. I’d like to add something to that definition today. The development of habits is part of the human condition. We are literally wired to create them. One of the chief functions of our  subconscious mind is to take over routine activities, allowing us to perform them on auto-pilot, so our conscious mind has space to learn new things. This is great for healthy habits! Unfortunately our subconscious mind does not have the capacity to reason the way our conscious mind does so when we fall into an unhealthy pattern, it makes those behaviors automatic too. 

Habits are a strength and a weakness for everyone.

People are generally aware of their healthy habits, proud of them even, because in most cases they have worked hard to build those habits and they are reaping the benefits.  For example, it takes effort to develop healthy eating habits, to exercise regularly, to make time to meditate daily. When you do any one of those things regularly, your energy levels will increase. Often this gives you the motivation you to continue long enough for it to become a habit.  

Unhealthy habits are the opposite. They are at the core of every ongoing struggle we have, yet we are often totally unaware of them. Why? Because we generally develop those habits in an effort to escape something else. We had a hard day at work… so we reach for a glass of wine, we grab the Netflix remote, we allow ourselves to be sucked in to some form of social media not realizing the unhealthy habits we form over time because of it. Unhealthy habits that can become addictions.

I deeply appreciate this poem because it lays out the framework for breaking a habit so clearly. I especially want to draw your attention to the fact that awareness alone does not bring about change. So often once we recognize a negative pattern in our lives, we set the expectation that we will be able to avoid it in the future. When that doesn’t happen, we are filled with disappointment and a feeling of powerlessness. At this point, we are powerless. It’s when you are aware and still fall into the habit hole, as you see in Chapter 5, that you have the opportunity to take ownership of the habit. That’s when YOU have the power to break it!

There is no shortage of resources out there to help you break habits and move from walking around the “habit hole” to choosing a new street. I hope you will seek them out as needed. If you need help, please email me, Anne@AnnesKosem.Com. For today, I hope you will remember that…

Self-Awareness and ownership are the birthplace of change. 

© 1977 Portia Nelson, There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery 
*thecrossing.church.